And what this teaches us about communication, inclusion, and leadership
“Read the room.”
“It’s obvious what they meant.”
“Can’t you tell they were being sarcastic?”
For many neurodivergent people, these phrases land like riddles written in invisible ink.
Social cues are the unspoken rules of human interaction. They include tone of voice, facial expressions, body language, timing, implied meaning, and cultural norms. Neurotypical communication relies heavily on these hidden signals. Entire conversations can happen without anything being said directly.
For some neurodivergent people, that system doesn’t come naturally. And that isn’t a flaw. It’s a difference in how information is processed.
Understanding why this happens is key to building more inclusive workplaces, healthier teams, and better leaders.
Social communication is a pattern-recognition game
Social interaction is essentially real-time data processing:
- Is that smile genuine or polite?
- Is this pause an invitation to speak or a sign to stop?
- Did they mean what they said, or something else?
- Was that joke friendly or cutting?
Neurotypical brains often learn these patterns intuitively, through observation and repetition. They pick up rules without consciously studying them.
Many neurodivergent brains process information more literally, analytically, or explicitly. They may not automatically infer hidden meanings. Instead, they focus on what is actually said.
So when someone says, “That’s interesting,”
a neurodivergent person may hear… “That’s interesting.”
Not “I disagree” or “I’m uncomfortable” or “Please stop talking.”
This isn’t naivety. It’s a different communication style.
It’s not a lack of intelligence or empathy
A common misconception is that difficulty with social cues equals lack of empathy or emotional awareness. In reality, many neurodivergent people feel deeply. They care intensely about fairness, honesty, and connection.
What differs is the translation layer.
Neurodivergent people may:
- Miss subtle tone shifts
- Struggle to interpret ambiguous expressions
- Take language literally
- Find it hard to track multiple social signals at once
- Need more time to process interaction
They are not unfeeling. They are navigating a system built on implication rather than clarity.
Imagine trying to understand a meeting where half the conversation is happening in a language you were never taught. You might be intelligent, engaged, and motivated, and still miss crucial information.
That’s what many social environments feel like.
The cognitive load is higher
For some neurodivergent people, social interaction requires conscious effort.
They may be actively thinking:
- Am I standing too close?
- Is my tone right?
- Should I be smiling?
- Is this the right moment to speak?
- Did I interrupt?
This internal monitoring takes energy.
While others are focusing on the content of the conversation, neurodivergent people may be running a background process just to stay “socially acceptable.” Over time, this leads to fatigue, anxiety, and burnout.
This is one reason why many neurodivergent employees appear quiet, reserved, or withdrawn at work. Not because they lack ideas. Because the cost of participation is higher.
Masking becomes a survival strategy
To cope, many neurodivergent people learn to mask.
Masking involves consciously mimicking neurotypical behaviour:
- Forcing eye contact
- Copying body language
- Rehearsing phrases
- Laughing at the right moments
- Suppressing natural movement
It can be incredibly effective. Some neurodivergent professionals become skilled performers. Colleagues may never realise how much effort is involved.
But masking is exhausting. It creates a constant fear of getting it wrong. It disconnects people from their authentic selves. And it is strongly linked to burnout and mental health challenges.
Struggling with social cues isn’t the problem. Being required to hide that struggle is.
Social rules are inconsistent and contextual
Another reason social cues are hard to master is that they are not universal.
What is polite in one culture is rude in another.
What is professional in one workplace is cold in another.
What is friendly in one team is intrusive in another.
Neurotypical people often adapt to these shifts unconsciously. Neurodivergent people tend to rely more on explicit rules. When the rules keep changing, confusion follows.
If feedback is indirect, expectations are unspoken, or norms are assumed, neurodivergent employees are placed at a disadvantage.
This is not a communication failure.
It’s a design failure.
The workplace impact
In professional settings, difficulty with social cues can lead to:
- Being misread as blunt or disengaged
- Missing implied expectations
- Struggling with office politics
- Being overlooked in meetings
- Receiving vague feedback that is hard to act on
None of these reflect ability.
They reflect a mismatch between communication styles and workplace norms.
And the cost is high. Organisations lose insight, creativity, and loyalty when neurodivergent employees feel misunderstood or sidelined.
Inclusion begins with clarity
Supporting neurodivergent communication doesn’t require everyone to become experts in neuroscience. It requires something simpler and more powerful:
Clarity.
- Say what you mean
- Avoid relying on implication
- Give feedback directly and kindly
- Make expectations explicit
- Don’t assume “it’s obvious”
These practices don’t just help neurodivergent people. They improve communication for everyone.
Clear communication reduces conflict, saves time, and builds trust.
Ambiguity is not sophistication. It is inefficiency.
Different does not mean deficient
Struggling with social cues is not a character flaw. It is a natural outcome of a brain that processes information differently.
Neurodivergent people often bring:
- Honesty
- Depth of thought
- Strong values
- Creative insight
- Systems thinking
- Loyalty
They may not always speak in subtext. They may not instinctively navigate unspoken rules. But what they offer is often more valuable than polish.
They offer substance.
The real question is not:
“Why do some neurodivergent people struggle with social cues?”
It is:
“Why do we design our workplaces around invisible rules and then blame people who can’t see them?”
When we replace assumption with clarity and judgement with curiosity, communication becomes inclusive.
And when communication becomes inclusive, everyone performs better.
Different brains do not need fixing.
They need understanding.
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